The hardest goodbye

I promise to post happier photos in celebration of my grandma's life soon, but right now I'm still stuck in this moment where I could feel the warmth of her head against mine.

I don't know if you remember the full moon last Thursday (10/5), but I will never forget it. It was bright, crisp and powerful. I hosted a women's circle that night and we talked about coming face-to-face with the obstacles holding us back in life. I didn't yet realize that, at that moment, my grandma was also working to smash past her own obstacles and make it to the other side. 

My grandma was always, ALWAYS, well put together. I have memories of her sitting at her dressing table brushing powder on her face from when I was a small child all the way up through her early 90s. It didn't matter if she had a cello performance that night or was just heading down the stairs for a day at home, she looked radiant.

Even in her final hours, her glamour shined through in ways I'd never noticed before. Studying her ear I realized what an incredible and beautiful instrument it was, the curve and shape completely unique. Because she was so frail, the undeniable power of her heart was also exposed. I watched as it worked to keep her alive and gave her strength to open her eyes as her children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren arrived and said their I love yous.

On Saturday (10/7), surrounded by three generations, she very gracefully took her last breaths. I feel so lucky to have had such a close relationship with her and to have been there holding her hand. I know she had a long and full life and was ready to move on to the next journey on her path, but all I want in this moment is more time with her hand in mine.